Week 61

The astute reader of this blog may notice an overall trend over the last few (like four or five) weeks. I am not doing well. My health is poor and my morale is terrible. The worst part of it is the whole chicken/egg thing... do I feel rotten because I'm down or am I down because I feel rotten. Most likely - I feel rotten, so I'm down, so I feel worse, so... yeah, the words vicious cycle pretty much sum it all up.

 I'd like to say I'm turning the corner. I'd like to say, have recognized that I am part of the problem I can get out of my own way. I'd like to say that. Well... I'm trying. How about that... I'm trying. After several rotten weeks, I managed to at least be positive about yesterday. Not so much today... but actually, my energy level today isn't horrible. It isn't great but it isn't horrible.

 I'm feeling well enough to feel really frustrated about not feeling OK. That's... positive-ish.

 Hey, since I haven't shared it in a while... behold my famous chart. Yeah, with the exception of that little medication experiment, not great. But, you know, it's actually looking a little better last week. Not where I want it to be, but looking up. 

Onward.

  

Week 60

 Yeah, still not really having fun.

 I spent a chunk of this week wondering if working even half-time is really a good idea. The truth of the matter is, I haven't been. Rare is the day I can make it a full 4 hours at work, and the weeks over the past six months that have totaled a full 20 hours can probably be counted on one hand. Although, given how tired and down I am, I can't be said to be thinking clearly anyway.

 Needless to say, the week didn't go that well. Though, looking at my numbers it was better than I thought it was. I did actually managed a full 4 hours at work for a couple days over the last two weeks (two week pay period, so I looked), despite feeling horrible.

 Yesterday was actually a high point of the week. I felt good in the morning, but Juno's morning had been a little rocky (plans not working out the way she'd wanted kind of thing). So I asked what she wanted to do to feel better. She suggested we go to the library book sale together and I agreed. 

 It was actually nice to get out of the house. I got to see the new town library, which is pretty cool. I walked around a bit, with my cane. The book sale turned out to be as far from the library entrance as humanly possible while being on the same floor of the same building. So, it's fair to say I overdid it a little with the walking. Still, it was nice.

 Onward.

Week 59

 Well, that was an experience.

 The week started out with me still struggling with my health. My energy levels were low but slowly rebuilding, I think. Then... The Experiment.

 My doctor had prescribed me some new meds to improve my energy levels. I was wary... reasoning that, sure, with the right medication you can run the Boston Marathon with a broken leg, but that doesn't make it a good idea. Still, after the past couple of weeks, I was finally willing to give it a try.

 I called the pharmacist and asked a lot of questions. Then I took half of a pill... Thursday morning, 9:50 AM. By 10:10, I was having to concentrate - hard - to keep my thoughts and my words from all running together, and to keep my fingers from just smushing wildly against the keyboard. By 11:10, I was struggling to stay focused. By 9:00 AM the following day, I was about ready to vibrate into a neighboring reality. 

 The effects wore off around 10:30 Friday. That's over 25 hours. (For the record, the pharmacist said it should last about 6 hours.) I had barely slept. Sure, I'd had energy... more energy than I've had in ages... but it was useless. I couldn't get anything done with the energy.

 I am never doing that again.

 Juno took the meds back to the pharmacy. Sorry anyone reading this and hoping to steal my meds. They're gone now. I've got to say, I sympathize. Part of me really wants more (and I am not at all comfortable with that). I can't help you. Talk to the pharmacy. 

 I slept through most of yesterday, recovering. I actually feel pretty good today. 

 Maybe I'll just try coffee.