Week 60

 Yeah, still not really having fun.

 I spent a chunk of this week wondering if working even half-time is really a good idea. The truth of the matter is, I haven't been. Rare is the day I can make it a full 4 hours at work, and the weeks over the past six months that have totaled a full 20 hours can probably be counted on one hand. Although, given how tired and down I am, I can't be said to be thinking clearly anyway.

 Needless to say, the week didn't go that well. Though, looking at my numbers it was better than I thought it was. I did actually managed a full 4 hours at work for a couple days over the last two weeks (two week pay period, so I looked), despite feeling horrible.

 Yesterday was actually a high point of the week. I felt good in the morning, but Juno's morning had been a little rocky (plans not working out the way she'd wanted kind of thing). So I asked what she wanted to do to feel better. She suggested we go to the library book sale together and I agreed. 

 It was actually nice to get out of the house. I got to see the new town library, which is pretty cool. I walked around a bit, with my cane. The book sale turned out to be as far from the library entrance as humanly possible while being on the same floor of the same building. So, it's fair to say I overdid it a little with the walking. Still, it was nice.

 Onward.

Week 59

 Well, that was an experience.

 The week started out with me still struggling with my health. My energy levels were low but slowly rebuilding, I think. Then... The Experiment.

 My doctor had prescribed me some new meds to improve my energy levels. I was wary... reasoning that, sure, with the right medication you can run the Boston Marathon with a broken leg, but that doesn't make it a good idea. Still, after the past couple of weeks, I was finally willing to give it a try.

 I called the pharmacist and asked a lot of questions. Then I took half of a pill... Thursday morning, 9:50 AM. By 10:10, I was having to concentrate - hard - to keep my thoughts and my words from all running together, and to keep my fingers from just smushing wildly against the keyboard. By 11:10, I was struggling to stay focused. By 9:00 AM the following day, I was about ready to vibrate into a neighboring reality. 

 The effects wore off around 10:30 Friday. That's over 25 hours. (For the record, the pharmacist said it should last about 6 hours.) I had barely slept. Sure, I'd had energy... more energy than I've had in ages... but it was useless. I couldn't get anything done with the energy.

 I am never doing that again.

 Juno took the meds back to the pharmacy. Sorry anyone reading this and hoping to steal my meds. They're gone now. I've got to say, I sympathize. Part of me really wants more (and I am not at all comfortable with that). I can't help you. Talk to the pharmacy. 

 I slept through most of yesterday, recovering. I actually feel pretty good today. 

 Maybe I'll just try coffee.

Week 58 + Doctor's Visit

 Honestly, things are not really going well. My energy levels and general health have tanked, as bad as they've been during this whole illness. Part of me wonders what happened but most of me is just going to advice I've gotten from both my mom and my wife - I can't feel any way but how I feel.

 So, I'm working on acceptance. It's hard because I've got things I'd like to do... not big things either. Go to work part time. Play 40K with the teen... who is now an adult technically. (Still a teen... no need to grow up too soon. I'll let everyone know if I ever do. :) ). Still, this is my reality today. Rest and I'll feel better.

 Saw the doctor this morning... regular every-other-month check up. I've lost a little weight. My blood pressure is actually really good (that might have had something to do with nodding off in the chair while they were taking it). We officially have a new working diagnosis - Post-COVID. The symptomology matches up and this did all start as a respiratory infection. Sadly, nothing really to test for... we go by symptoms. Also nothing really to treat. Epstien Barr, Chronic Fatigue, Post-COVID... by whatever name, it still sucks. 

 Onward

Week 57

 Well, that week sucked.

 Health wise, this has been my worst week in a long time... rarely did I get more than 3 hours up time and Wednesday I crashed not long after 8:00am. It's a little frustrating.

 Of course, the Wednesday thing is an exceptional case. I got called for Jury Duty... and being an idiot, I really thought there was a chance I could do it. I mean, it's just sitting in a chair and listening right? Of course, not being a complete idiot, I had reached out to my doctor to get a note for the judge, just in case I crashed. Well, I'm glad I did because by the time the day came, I had had way more bad days than good ones. Walking from the parking to the courtroom did me in. Fortunately, the judge wanted nothing to do with it and sent me home on the basis of my doctor's note alone.

 Sadly, the week did not improve from there... and I still feel rotten.

 Well, I'll manage. Resting now and we'll see what next week brings.

Week 56

 After a really great week last week, this week was a serious let-down.

 Health-wise, I tanked. I feel horrible and, looking back over my logs, most of the week was horrible. I took Tuesday off work entirely, I felt so bad. Interestingly, I felt great on Wednesday as a result... but I tanked again Thursday and haven't bounced back.

 Really, I just feel terrible.

Week 55

 Well, that was an interesting week. 

 Definitely good, health-wise. My worst day was still pretty darn good. Early in the week, I worked myself until I hit the wall. After that, I stopped every day before I hit the wall and I lasted longer before I finally ran down. Once, a lot longer. I'm still not nearly 100% and getting this good still involves stopping vigorous mental or physical activity at or before noon, but it's good. 

Another thing I'm noticing more is that if I'm busy and engaged, I don't see the wall. Not to say I don't wear out, usually as soon as I pause, but interesting activity keeps my going longer. It sounds obvious, but it's actually fairly new.

 In other news, I've retained an attorney to appeal the Long Term Disability finding. They work "on contingency" ... so he doesn't get paid unless he wins and when he gets paid, it's a percentage of the money I get. So, either I get nothing (and pay nothing) or I get something. Either way, he does all the heavy lifting. Not bad from where I sit.

 Onward!

Week 54

 So, this was a learning week for me.

 At work, one of my colleagues moved on to bigger and better things. While I will miss him, I am sincerely happy for him and I think he will do well in the new adventure he is embarking on. His departure has led to some discoveries for me.

 While I had been out, my colleague - K - had taken over several of what I considered key elements of my role on the team. When I got back, K continued to do those tasks... my manager rightly pointed out that, given my health issues and limited schedule I just couldn't do those tasks yet. I agreed, because really I was physically not up to them... but I still felt upset about it because, damn it that was my job! :)

 Well, not K has moved on and someone needs to pick those tasks back up. My manager has been pretty clear that it shouldn't be me. My schedule and health issues still prevent my from taking on the full task. He said I should assist the person who will take them on - D. I said "sure, ok." 

I was lying to myself. 

I immediately tried to take on the mental and physical demands of those tasks. 

Guess what... <insert sound of crashing and exploding here> ... 

Yup, crash and burn. I can't do it. I made myself feel terrible for two days before I finally recognized what I was doing to myself. I forced myself to put it all back down again... and I'm still forcing myself to leave it put down. I'm not ready yet. I need to be OK with that.

I'm getting there. Feel pretty good, now, actually. OK, physically I feel like crap from the stain I put on myself early in the week but emotionally, I feel OK.

 Onward.