Week 26

 Had my monthly visit with the doctor yesterday and it went pretty well. I was feeling good and I'm excited about feeling good. The doctor is encouraged, which is good given how discouraged she was last month. Progress... small steps, but progress.

 Unfortunately, I'm not happy with small steps and I'm perfectly capable of tricking myself into thinking everything is fine. I've done it before.

 So, how do I know that what I'm feeling is actually what I'm feeling? How do I know if I'm really feeling OK or if I just really want to feel OK? That's the challenge

 I've started keeping a daily log, so I can look back and say "yeah, yesterday was a pretty good day... but you also have to consider the fact that I crashed at 11:00am when I got back from the doctors." I've got to keep myself honest.

 So, the good news is I really am getting better. The bad news is, I'm not as better as I would like and this is going to take some time. 

 When I've been sick for a week or so, I always have that day when I feel "OK" but know I need one more of day of rest to put this behind me and get back on my feet. I've been sick for six months... even when I start to feel OK, it's going to take more than a day to really put it behind me.