Hey, it's me. (Week ending 7/20/25)

 I'm missing my mom a lot this week. These past couple of weeks have been the kind of weeks where I really want to call her and talk to her. 

I used to call her at least one a week, sometimes more. If I called and got her voicemail, I always left the same message. Kind of my little ritual...

"Hey, it's me. Just called to say 'hey.' Talk to you later. Love you. Chiao."

Well... I've decided that this post is going to fill the emotional gap. I've got some thing I want to talk about. So I'm going to.

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So, it hasn't been a horrible week. I think I'm mostly recovered from last week and I've been sleeping better.

But wow... can we talk about the news?

OK, the Epstein Files thing. I don't want to say that I don't care about Jeffery Epstein because obviously... horrible man, abused children, should rot in hell. One can hope. 

Trump and Epstein... I mean, we know that President Grab 'Em is also a horrible person. It's pretty clear that he has a thing for young women. Underage girls? Probably. Were he and Epstein friends. Pretty much certainly. Does that mean Epstein procured underage girls for Trump? I mean, it's a pretty distinct possibility. Unfortunately, we'll probably never know.

Right now, for Trump, it doesn't matter. 

Trump built a base of conspiracy nuts. These people absolutely believe that there are Files that Name Names of Rich and Powerful Men. Some go so far as to believe they reveal The Satanic Pedophile Cabal (of Shape Shifting Lizardmen). The truth of whatever is in the documents the DoJ holds doesn't matter to these people. I mean, they won't read them anyway. If what is in those documents doesn't fit their theory they will believe the documents are false, or incomplete, or fabricated, or whatever... and it will only reinforce their particular tinfoil hat beliefs. 

Trump won the presidency on Alternative Facts. Now, he's got to deal with it.

Then we have the Stephen Colbert/Late Show thing, which is oddly the flip side of the coin.

I mean, was the Late Show really canceled for "financial reasons" or was it canceled because Colbert is a relentless and fearless critic of Trump, who cannot abide criticism? 

Is the belief that Trump pressured CBS into canceling Colbert just our version of a conspiracy theory? 

I think the difference there is doubt. 

Do I believe that CBS cancelled the Late Show under pressure from Trump? Yeah, looking at Trump's behavior, his tendency to sue anyone he doesn't like and the fact that they paid him off rather then deal with that, I can believe it. So, I have actual evidence to support the belief. But, I don't know it. It is possible that CBS made an honest financial decision. I find that hard to believe, but it is possible. 

I cling to that possibility, to that doubt... not because without that doubt I risk become a conspiracy nut myself.

I just don't think a tinfoil hat would look good on me... not with my hair. 

Thanks for listen.

I love you, mom.

Onward

Week Ending 7/13

 Well... that sucked.

Had a doctor's appointment on Tuesday, which was horrible. 

First, my doctor got on my case because I've put on weight. OK, I'm overweight. I'm fat. I've got to own that. I can barely move, so exercise is a nonstarter. So, I gain weight. It sucks and I hate it, but if I don't eat, I'm on pain. Pain sucks and I hate it. Fine, I've slack about managing portions and my diet went to hell in a handbasket because of the whole "driving to Vermont" thing. I'll work on it. 

Second, and far worse, my doctor is retiring. Even when she gets on my case about my weight, I love my doctor. She's nice. She's smart. She listens to me... and she was my hero when we had to deal with the disability insurance scumbags. Seriously, my lawyer was practically bouncing with excitement at her rebuttal letter to them. Now she's retiring and I need to find a new doctor. Worse, I'm being told I can't actually make an appointment to meet a new doctor because I've still got a follow up appointment with my doctor. What kind of bullshit is that?!

I hate this. I hate it. Hate it. Hate! It!

Then, as if that wasn't enough, I've felt horrible this whole week. I'm even more exhausted than my default exhausted. I can hardly get out of bed. I'm in pain and I'm miserable. 

To make matters worse, I'm basically finished watching all the things I've been watching, and I can't decide what to watch next because my brain is totally fogged. 

Yeah. This week sucked!

Oh well...

Onward

Week Ending 7/6

OK, I either need to write these earlier in the day or... 

No, I just need to remember to write these earlier in the day. 

Pretty quiet week for me. I'm at a point where I'm not crashing as hard, which is good. I've usually just "coasted down" around lunch time (a little before, a little after). I'm also managing to take naps during the day, which helps in some ways but has an odd consequence. I'm more likely to have a hard time falling back to sleep when I wake up in the night. Not sure how to work with that one. I think mom would say I should just "be up when I'm up and sleep when I'm tired." She did that... but she lived alone. 

Still thinking about mom. Still catch myself thinking I really should call her. I don't imagine I'll ever stop doing that, but maybe it will start hurting a little less. 

Juno grilled for the 4th of July, and we watched ID4, which is a tradition in our house. I dozed off sometime after they got to Area 51 but woke up for the final battle. That kind of a day.

I'd like to say I'm doing OK, but it's a lie. I'm not OK. Working on it though.

Onward

Weeks Ending (6/22 and 6/29)

Well, you may have noticed that I didn't post last weekend. I have a good excuse. We were in Vermont, and I didn't bring my laptop.

Saturday, 6/21, was my mom's memorial service. 

We drove out the week before. I should say Juno - bless her - drove us out because I can't drive anymore and D doesn't have his license yet. We made it as far as New York State the first day, across New York the second (New York is bloody big) and stayed at a hotel in Shelburne, Vermont.

We had a couple of days to rest. Juno and D did some tourist-y things. I lay around the hotel watching Food Network and rediscovering the puzzling nature of commercials. We ate Lee's Chinese and Al's French Fries, favorite places of ours and of mom.

Juno also attended a gathering of the Embroiders Guild of America remembering mom, who was a lifetime member. I unfortunately was too tired to attend but I'm told it was lovely.

The day itself was lovely. It was warm and sunny. The Memorial Garden is a beautiful place. 

We gathered with mom's friends and had a short, simple memorial service. I said a few words, her friends shared thoughts and memories of her, Juno sang Into the West (and did so beautifully). 

Finally, the deacon laid mom's ashes to rest beside those of her mother and father. 

It was a wonderful day. 

We tried to take videos of the eulogy, the memories and Juno singing, but unfortunately - while the Memorial Garden is lovely, it is also next to a noisy, major road. The sound of traffic drowns out the voices in the video.

Juno drove us back early this week, through the hottest part of the week. Fortunately, Juno's van has working air conditioning.

We've been resting the rest of this week. 

All in all, I found it a really moving memorial.

I want to thank the All Saints Episcopal Church, especially Cheryl Hooper, the officiant, and Deacon Peggy Mathauer, as well as all of mom's friends who came out to remember mom.

I feel like we brought mom home. I like that feeling.

Onward

Week Ending 6/15

 Another week goes by.

Spent a lot of it resting. Had a hard time sleeping again.

Did manage to get some gaming in with Juno, taking advantage of the last of her summer holiday to spend some time doing stuff together.

Also, did have an early morning philosophical musing. That was fun.

Spent today watching movies, eating good food and chilling. Happy Father's Day to me. :)

Onward

Humans - musing on morality and social constructs

I read an interesting thing online, which has led me to a philosophical line of thought, which then led me to thinking that I should write my ideas down and remembering that I have a blog. :)

What I read was a condemnation of ideals as social constructs and of moral relativism in general. While it didn't say so, at the core of the argument was a call for Universal Morality. 

I would argue that the idea of Universal Morality presupposes that the Universe gives a damn about morality. I don't think it does. The universe cares about physics and what is moral to the wolf is immoral to the sheep. 

Humans are neither wolves nor sheep. We are humans. 

So, if we can't talk about universal morality, can we talk about human morality and arrive at any meaningful absolutes?

Firstly, I think "absolute" is the wrong goal. By common usage and understanding it again harkens back to this idea of Universality and, as I said, the universe does not care about morality. Still, I think we can examine the human experience and explore whether or not there are behaviors and ideals that seem to be foundational to humans. 

So, what is it to be foundationally human?

Humans are primates. With a few exceptions, we are a social species. We naturally form what I'll call tribal groups. We tend to be hierarchical, but not absolutely so. Individuals tend to lead, but the same individual in all circumstances. We tend to be cooperative, at least within our tribe, sharing tasks with the goals of supporting and preserving the tribe and ourselves. We form strong emotional bonds, usually along the lines of shared experiences, shared work, sexual play and childbearing. Those emotional bonds can be so strong as to override an individual's drive for self-preservation, leading humans to sometimes put the needs of others, or of the group, over their own. At other times, our individual desires and impulses of self-preservation override those emotional bonds.

In short, humans are a mess of contradictory impulses. We are driven by both self-interest and the needs of the group. 

Most human ethical frameworks focus on the group. We form social contracts, collective agreements that most often place the needs to the group above our own self-interest, usually in the belief that the individual self-interest is best served by a strong, stable society. At the same time, many social contracts, especially in our modern cultures, also support the importance of the individual, and their needs, against the primacy of society's needs, usually in the belief that society is best served by strong, stable individuals.

Our self-interest is at odds with our social need... except that our social need is part of our self-interest. An individual is best served by a strong, stable society and a society is best served by strong, stable individuals! 

Again, humans are a mess of contradictory impulses. 

This is why I both love and hate humans. :)

So, can we arrive at absolute human morality? Probably not. At least not a simple one. After all, we've been trying for tens, if not hundreds, of thousands of years and we haven't worked it out yet. 

If we can get close, I think it falls in the need to find a balance between selflessness and self-interest, between society and individual, and ultimately to embrace the idea that humans are messy, confusing, horrible, wonderful, fascinating creatures. 

Onward

Week Ending 6/8

Quiet week. 

Looking back over things, my mornings were mostly dedicated to either playing or working on the tabletop rpg Juno and I are playing. So, that was fun.

A lot of the rest of the week involved resting, dozing and occasionally napping.

Yeah, on the whole, a quiet week. 

Onward.