Week Ending 2/26

 I'm still dealing with the passing of my Gramma Cathy. She was a remarkable woman who had a huge impact on my life. I have many happy memories of spending summer days at her house in Lincoln, Vermont... the smell of her herb garden, the sounds of the brook as it rushed over the rocks of the little swimming hole, the taste of warm caraway chews. While her passing does not come as a shock, it's still one that I struggle with. I'm not as OK as I pretend to be.

 Health wise, this has been a pretty good week - good days and bad days just like always, but the good days last a little longer and the bad days aren't are short as they were. At the same time, when I get tired, I seem to be even more tired than before. It gets harder to think and to concentrate. It's frustrating too, because I have things I want to do and I just... can't.

 I know this is all hard on Juno. She's giving me so much and I can't thank her enough for all the support she gives me, every day. I know I ask too much of her and I'm trying not to. She's great.

 Well, on the positive side, I'm taking advantage of those good days. I've gotten models painted and new models assembled. It's fun and relaxing. I'm also starting back up on playing The Sims for my Wyrd Girls story. Might have a new chapter for that soon-ish.

Onward...

In Memorium

Catherine Pawlowski (1925-2023)

The old shed smelled of newly tilled earth, old wood and green growing things. Warm summer sunlight streamed through the old wooden door, its slats warped and brittle with time. From down the hill, out of sight, came the rushing sound of the brook as it danced over the old rocks, the bones of the ancient mountain which loomed over the green of the trees, quiet and constant.

In the little garden at the foot of the shed my grandmother puttered. The sun gleamed on her snow white hair as her wrinkled, nut-brown hands set the last stones in place among the whirls of grass, flowers and herbs.

“One stone,” she said, her smile lively in her warm face, “set just so. Perfect.”

The wind sighed through, carrying the scents of flowers and herbs, the gentle agreement of the living world, the dancing stream, and the quiet mountain.

Perfect.

 

Week Ending 2/12

 It's been a week. I haven't been sleeping well. My wrist is killing me. I've got some family stuff going on that I'm not ready to talk about... and, did I mention my wrist is killing me.

On the plus side, my lawyer finally browbeat the insurance company into actually coughing up the money they owe me... so I can pay off the hospital for the hideous MRI that didn't really tell us anything. Sigh.

OK, so I'm not in a good mood just now. See paragraph one if curious as to why. :)

Ah well, there are good days and bad days. The best thing about bad days is they end and eventually we get the good days back. Some times this takes longer than other times but the wheel turns. 

Onward

Week Ending 2/5

 Sorry for the late update, but I was pretty wiped out yesterday.

So, last week... thereby hangs a tale. I had gotten a letter a little while back from the Social Security Disability people that they scheduled me for a visit with one of their doctors, kind of an evaluation thing. Saturday was that appointment. 

Naturally, despite my best efforts I basically spent the whole week stressing about it and being exhausted. Had a couple days where I never really got started and a couple of nights where sleep was... elusive... despite being exhausted.

At the same time, I had a couple of really good days too. I managed to get some Warhammer terrain built. I even managed to put ingredients in the crock pot. (OK, doesn't sound like much for I'm very excited about the crock pot thing! Unfortunately, the meat was off and I couldn't actually eat what I made in the end but that's a different thing entirely.)

So, after all that... the appointment. Juno drove me to a hospital in some place about an hour from here (basically, everything that isn't here is about an hour from here). Kinda nice to go for a drive actually, though I did doze off a little bit. The instructions said enter at the Emergency Room, which we did... then we had to walk basically to the other side of hospital, take an elevator up to the second floor and again walk the length of the (essentially empty on the weekend) building. Needless to say, it wasn't that hard to show these doctors how exhausted I was. 

The staff was actually really nice... very polite and friendly. The exam was basically "do you have 2 arms, 2 legs and can you see." The internist who examined me listened to my story and agreed that the whole Long COVID/viral induced chronic fatigue theory my doctor has sounds like the most likely explanation for my symptoms. That was nice... outside confirmation. He didn't quite say that it didn't matter for the purposes of this exam but he did say something close to that. My lawyer has already told me that for this found with SSA, they only really care if I'm missing a limb or have terminal cancer. The exam seemed to support that.

The kicker for me was the trip home. I only made it about 50-60ft from the exam area before I needed to lean against the wall and rest. The nice nurse/receptionist dude got me a wheelchair and wheeled me out to the car. I dozed the ride home, and the rest of the day, and most of yesterday. 

Feeling pretty good about it all now.

Onward!

Week Ending 1/29

You know, I don't really remember much about this week. The brain fog rolled in a little while ago and everything is hazy

Looking back over my diary, I've had good days (mostly at the start of the week) and bad days. I did some work on my Games Workshop minis... putting together some new terrain sets. I managed to make an egg sandwich for breakfast one morning, so that's pretty cool. Usually, I can't handle cooking... so that was a really good morning. 

Today wasn't bad. Felt pretty good emotionally, not so great physically. Resting and trying to remind myself that I don't actually need to do much of anything.

Onward

Week Ending 1/22

 The worst part about being sick is the paperwork. 

Seriously, it seems like every week or so I have another batch of paperwork to fill out for someone. This week was the Long Term Disability Insurance people. It feels like I'm constantly having to justify the fact that I am, in reality, sick... which is probably because that's exactly what I'm having to do. Thank the gods for my lawyer (never thought I would say that). He was willing to take a bunch of random notes and drafts that I wrote up and turn them into completed forms that I just need to sign. Same information, accurate and true... but also legible and with some of those lawyer-ly word choices.

After whipping myself out for a week crashing through SSA paperwork last time, I decided to take my time and not try to this packet all at once. I'm still not sure if that was a good idea or not. I didn't burn myself out crashing through it but I did have it hanging over the head for days on end. Sometimes, there just isn't a winning move I guess.

Otherwise, the week has been up and down. I had a couple of really rotten days, where I felt even worse than my usual not feeling good. I had a couple of OK days, but not as many as I would have liked. Still, I got through it. Sometimes that's the best we can manage but that's still pretty good.

Pretty snowfall out the window this morning... reminded me of those pretty snowy days-gone-by.

Onward

Week Ending 1/15

 So, yeah, that wasn't a fun week.

It actually started out pretty good. Monday was a high energy day. I felt good. I enjoyed myself. Things kinda went down the hill from there. Most of the week was seriously low energy, with a couple days barely getting off the ground. 

Then of course, we have the whole MRI drama. You can read my earlier post on that. On the plus side, I heard from my neurologist. The test results were good enough for him to feel confident that the whole left-side-of-the-left side thing isn't coming from my neck/spine.

So, other than the waking nightmare I've had when I lay down about still actually being in the machine and just imagining the room around me, that's over. 

Next the neurologist wants to do an EMG test. Is it weird that the idea of having needles stuck in me while being given electric shocks should interesting and doesn't freak me out nearly as much as the MRI did? Yeah, I think it is.

This weekend has actually been pretty good. I rested a lot yesterday and felt pretty good today.

So, yeah... moderately rotten stuff happened this week. It's over now. 

Onward.