Week Ending 1/18

Hey, it's me...

So, big news of this week... doctor's appointment with a new doctor.

I'm sure I've mentioned that my much appreciated old doctor retired and I got a new doctor. Looking back over recent posts, a couple weeks ago I mentioned that I was unhappy with said new doctor because he wasn't seeing me as often as I felt I needed to be seen.

Well, I finally decided to do something about it. I called the doctors office and made a new appointment for this past week. I was still angry with the new doctor but I decided I wanted to give him one more chance, to prove he could get it right. That lasted a couple of days, with me still being angry with him, until I finally sat down and talked things out with J. I realized that, no, I didn't really have to give him a second chance especially since the way I felt, I was just going to yell at him and change doctors anyway. So I called the office again and changed doctors. They didn't argue or debate me about it. They just did it... and they made sure my appointment with the new doctor was the same day. 

So, on Friday I saw my new new doctor. He looked over my records and paid attention to them. He asked a lot of questions and listened to my answers. He scheduled a ridiculous number of tests, making it clear that he really wants to understand what's going on with me and develop an informed plan of care. 

I like him. He annoyed me, but I like him. Knock wood, fingers crossed, this one might actually work out. (Knock wood again)

So, that was pretty much the week and probably next. I got really worn out after that appointment and I'm resting now.

Onward

Week Ending 1/11

Hey, it's me...

Well, that was another kind of tough week, honestly. 

Wednesday was the one year anniversary of mom's passing. What are you supposed to do for that? It feels like there should be some kind of social ritual marking and remembering someone's passing... but there isn't. I mean, we have the funeral or memorial or whatever, and then we're just supposed to move on. Some of us an All Hallows Eve or Day of the Dead tradition to honor all those who have passed, but socially I'm not aware of any specific traditions honoring an individual passing... and truthfully, I'd never thought much about it before. I remember my Grampa Ted's passing because it was so close to All Hallows, but I would have to look up my Gramma Cathy's. I don't really remember when my dad's folks passed. I guess mom just feels different because she's mom and I want to do something to remember her.

In the end, it's my mom... so I think good food, art and movies are called for.

So, pulled from the Cathy Collection (her collection of DVDs), I pulled The Equalizer 1, 2 & 3. Three movies staring Denzel Washington as Robert McCall. The basic plot... bad guy does bad thing within line of sight of Washington/McCall and he calmly and politely gives them a chance to make amends. Then, when the laugh in his race, he calmly and politely proceeds to reduce said bad guy to broken and/or dead bad guy. Repeat, several times, over three movies... and no, it never gets old. What can I say, mom loved movies like that. 

Also, she has a bunch of Jane Austin movies. 

What? It's my mom. Does this really surprise you? 

In other news, I've actually be managing to stick to my chair-yoga this week (ok, I missed two days... one for a trip to get blood drawn and other because I did other exercise stuff that day). It feels good and I like it. That even with J's cat giving me a look of withering contempt as if to say "you know, cat's invented yoga and you're doing it wrong." 

Cats.

Well, I have more movies to watch.

Onward

Week Ending 1/4

Hey, it's me...

OK, can we talk for a minute about the Venezuela thing? Because, honestly, this scares me. As of me writing this, in the early hours of yesterday morning the United States military launched a military strike on Venezuela and forcibly abducted it's president and his wife. President Trump has claimed that we will "run the country" for the near future, which his cabinet is already walking back, and that we will be in "the oil business." 

The whole thing is a political nightmare, but the entire world is basically holding it's breath because they know Trump is basically insane and will not follow any rule, law or norm that does not directly benefit him. To make matters worse, the deposed president of Venezuela is basically a dictator who, I believe, lost the last election and stayed in power anyway... so it's not like a lot of people are leaping to his defense personally. It's a bad situation and it's just the start. This is only going to get worse.

So, there's that.

How am I doing? I've had better weeks. I have this drum beat of anger at my new doctor, because I don't trust him and I don't believe he is giving me the care I need. Basically this because I haven't seen him and won't until March, and because the new hospital that owns him is a greedy corporation that actively is against providing health care. Also, I'm mad at my old doctor for retiring and dropping me in this shit. I hate it and I feel like there is nothing I can do about it right now.

Also, I'm depressed, exhausted, in pain, sick to my stomach, can't sleep and, yeah, generally having a bad week. 

So, 2026, not off to a great start.

On the plus side, I'm trying to remember to do my chair yoga, and that definitely helps.

Good days and bad days. Good days and bad days.

Onward

Week Ending 12/28

Hey, it's me.

Hope you had happy holidays and are looking forward to a Happy New Year. I think we all need one. 

Well, I've had a big week. My anniversary, Yule and J's birthday all in one week. It's been good. 

Every day this month, I've gotten up in the night and looked at the Christmas tree, lite and beautiful, and felt good. I'm going to miss that when we take it down. 

But listen to me, being melancholy, when really I have had a pretty good week. Got some good gifts, spent some good time with family, even got to see a couple of old friends who came down for J's birthday. 

Yeah, all in all, a pretty good week.

Happy holidays

Onward

Week Ending 12/21

Happy Solstice and Joyous Yuletide

So, let's talk about this week. 

For one thing, TMJ pain sucks! Tuesday I was in so much pain I couldn't think clearly. I couldn't really function. By the middle of the day, I was ready to go find any dentist who was open and have him pull out as many teeth as it took to make the pain stop (and if you know how much I hate dentists, you know how extreme that is). 

Fortunately, I didn't do that. Fortunate because the pain really isn't coming from my teeth. It is the muscles in my jaw. I know this because when I relaxed, and those muscles relaxed, the pain went away. (BTW, for those who don't know... cats can do reiki and they're really good at it. Don't believe me? I don't care.)

So, it appears the key to managing this pain is A) not chewing too much and B) relaxing the muscles in my face. Fortunately (I'm using that word a lot), I'm actually pretty good at consciously relaxing muscle groups. It just takes focus to keep it up. 

The bad news is, spending Tuesday in agony pretty much cost me the rest of the week. Pain eats a lot of energy. So, I've spent most of this week resting, recovering and focusing on keeping the pain in my jaw at bay. 

This also involved watching movies. A couple of quick notes about that... 

Legend (1985), the directors cut... while it isn't a Christmas movie, it is actually an amazing Winter Solstice movie (Darkness and Ice trying to cover the world forever, opposed by the Green Man and the Fairy Folk who bring Sunlight to the heart of Darkness and restore the Spring). Seriously, the Director's Cut is a much better movie than the US theatrical release ever was.

Atomic Blonde (2017)... I watched this movie years ago. I remember not liking it or even really understanding it. Watching it again this week... it's actually a great spy thriller.

So, yeah, kind of a lot this week. I'm going back to resting because next week is a big one for me.

So, Happy Holidays folks

Onward

Week Ending 12/14

Hey, it's me...

Well, this has been a week. Spent Monday recovering from last weeks whole hair cut/broken TV entertainment. Then Tuesday... I don't know what happened Tuesday.

I woke up at 4:30 in the morning, gave up trying to fall back to sleep around 5:00 and started doing stuff. I built a mini. I worked on stuff for my next Wyrd Tales story. Lunch came and went and I just kept going. I kept going until after 2:00 in the afternoon! I frankly can't believe it. That's the longest active I've been in a day for over a year. 

Of course, I've spent every other day of this week paying for it. I could hardly get out of bed for most of it. Had a nasty flare of depression night before yesterday... tired and frustrated and unhappy from the whole "too tired to do anything" of it all. Feeling a lot better today. Starting to crawl my way back into basic functionality. Brain still pretty fogged.

Like I said, this has been a week.

All in all, I think I'd prefer a the up and down swings were a little less extreme, but I'm managing.

Onward

Week Ending 12/7

Hey, it's me...

So, it's December. It feels like this year has lasted forever and no time at all. 

What else is going on?

I got a haircut yesterday. It had finally gotten long enough to start annoying me. When I can't roll over at night, because my hair is so long that I'm accidentally pinning it, and thus myself, to the bed, it's too long. I always tell the lady at the haircut place to cut it "shorter but still long enough that I can tie it back." She always tries. She always fails, because as soon as it's cut my hair starts to curl and gets a couple of inches shorted than she thought it would be. Oh well, it's easier to deal with now.

In other news, my TV died. The image just started jumping around like mad and wouldn't stop. Far to long on the phone with customer service to get the answer "well, you're warranty expired long ago and so I can't help you, but it sounds like you should just buy a new TV." I said "great... it won't be one of yours."

All in all, too much excitement for one day. I'm worn out. :)

Oh well

Onward