Week Ending 4/13

Long week

Monday was rough. Three months since mom died. That hit pretty hard. Then I had the thought... mom wouldn't want me to be depressed. She'd want me to be just a little bit sad, sure. She'd want us to miss her, but she wouldn't want us to be depressed or miserable about it.

I been thinking for ages that what I really needed was a good cry. Gretchen the Grief Counselor (wonderful lady) had suggested looking through old photos. So, I gave that a try. It didn't make me cry. It made me smile. I looked at those pictures and I remembered mom and I smiled. 

She'd want that. She'd want us to remember her and to smile.

The rest of the week was up and down.

Juno had rented a wheelchair for me for an eye doctors' appointment that we ultimately canceled, but it still came in handy. We went the local JoAnn's Fabrics and picked over what was left of their paints. Got some good, odd, colors for minis. I never could have done it, walking. We're looking into getting me a wheelchair to keep. It was nice to get out of the house and actually do something.

Of course, I crashed hard the next day. So hard it hurt. I'm still recovering, and I don't think it was just from the trip out. I'm still pushing myself too hard. Got to watch that.

Long week. Good day and bad days. In the darkest, lowest point, I reminded myself that there are good days too. It keeps me going.

Onward

Week Ending 4/6

Quiet week but not a bad one.

I've worked on a new SimLit story, In Shadow, the first chapter of which went live this week.

I've also done a lot of mini painting. I found a company online called Tabletop Terrain who make 3-D printed wargaming terrain that can be used with Games Workshop games. I picked up some of their products, to see how they were. I actually quite like them and I'm going to show off a little...

A small cottage with piles of hay (and an Age of Sigmar farmer, for scale).

Of course, we also have the barbarian hordes, decorating stone pillars with skulls and an unfortunate sacrifice to their dark gods. 

All in all, the terrain has been fun to paint. I'm currently working on two large houses. 

The only real downside is I've been overdoing it, because I keep wanting to do a little more painting. Not a horrible problem to have.

Well... 

Onward

Week Ending 3/30

I want to wake up.

I want the last few months to be a nightmare. I'm ready to wake up from it now.

I've been... I don't know... kind of treading water. I've been binge watching Grimm and NCIS, playing Skyrim, generally not doing much. Well, now I've finished Grimm. I'm caught up to present episode on NCIS. Skyrim... well, I can take it or leave it.

The thing is, I've been doing these things since mom died, to kept myself occupied. Distracted, maybe. Now, I've finished those things... and a big part of me wants to start playing the Sims again and seriously working on my next Wyrd Tales story. 

The feels like... I don't know... moving forward.

Like I've run out of excuses not to.

Which is foolish, because there are aways shows I can binge watch and I can replay Skyrim over and over and over and over again. 

If I really wanted to, I could bury myself in those distractions.

So, I guess I don't want to.

I want to start my new story. I want to move forward. 

So, I will.

Mom always loved the way I end these blog posts... because it's about moving forward. It's about not giving up and living my life. That one word always meant something profound about how I approach my illness, my challenges, my life. 

So... 

Onward

Week Ending 3/23

 OK, so I kinda forgot that yesterday was Sunday. It seems odd, in light of that, to say that I had a pretty good week but I did. 

I had a good, productive talk with Gretchen the Grief Counselor. I started working in earnest on my new Wyrd Tales story. I've just about caught up with the present binge watching NCIS (which is impressive when you realize there are 21 seasons of that show). I discovered Katie Sackhoff's YouTube channel and have been listening to very cool actors talk about very cool sci-fi, which is fun. 

So, yeah, a pretty good week (if I overlook the continued dissolution of the United States at the hands of a madman... but if I don't, I'm just going to drive myself crazy, so yeah, denial). 

Onward

Week Ending 3/16

Another very interesting week.

Juno drove to Vermont, to deal with some things around mom's passing that had to be done in person. So, D and I had the house to ourselves. Of course, we also had to take care of ourselves. We did pretty well, thanks to some good advanced planning. Juno kind left us with enough food and supplies to last the week. All in all, we did pretty well. Also, D did some experimenting with cooking and discovered that he knows how to make some pretty darn good fried chicken! 

Yeah, we did OK, D and I.

Juno's back now. She brought back some things of mom's that my uncle put in storage for us. Some books, some of her artwork and a fair chunk of her DVDs. What can I say, mom was a movie buff.

It's kind of bittersweet, going through these collections. Lots of memories and lot of smiles and a little sadness.

Oddly, the hardest thing right is getting used to have Juno back. D and I really did OK but we got into our own different rhythm. Now we're suddenly getting used to have all of us together again. Funny that. Still, nice to have her home.

Onward

Week Ending 3/9

 So, the good news is that, apart from my chronic condition, I'm actually in pretty good health. My blood sugar is solidly down into the pre-diabetic range and almost everything else is normal (apart from my hemoglobin which is mysteriously slightly high). The bad news is it took me three days to recover from my doctor's appointment. 

Yeah, Post-COVID chronic fatigue remains chronic. 

So, pretty much spent the week in bed watching TV... which, really, is not as much fun as it sounds. 

I did run into something interesting. Pretty much decided to call one day late this week a write-off... wasn't even going to get dressed. However, after spending the morning laying around, I was actually able to get up in the afternoon and got a fair bit of miniature painting done. I find myself wondering... am I still unconsciously trying to follow a "work" schedule of Get Up Early, Do Work (or whatever) Until I Fall Over, Rest. Maybe doing things in shorter bursts with rest periods between is a better plan. Going to experiment with that.

Of course, it's harder to make those kind of changes than you think. Still, I'm working on it.

Onward

Week Ending 3/2

Gods, it's nice to be able to think again!

My head is so much clearer. I feel more like myself than I have in a while.

I'm still struggling with my energy levels. I think I've been overdoing it without really realizing it. I've decided that I need to cut back on my ambitions and give myself a little more grace. I've been feeling a lot of time pressure, probably because of all the paperwork concerning mom's death... just a steady drum beat of "got to get this done, and this done and..." 

Yeah, need to give myself some grace. Mom would be the first person to tell me not to overdo it. 

I miss her. We would totally have spent the last couple of days on the phone with each other, complaining about the insanity that has gripped Washington DC. She'd have some things to say. Oh yes, she would.

Well, in the spirit of giving myself some grace, I'm going to chill. 

Doctor's appointment tomorrow (regular quarterly checkup), so maybe a short update on my health before next week's regular update.

Onward