Happy Birthday To Me (Week 65)

 Well, it's been a momentous week.

 First, it's my birthday... so Happy Birthday to Me. Birthdays are special in my family. My mom says they are the holiday where we celebrate that we exist, celebrate our lives. A whole special day, just about us. So, today my family gave me lots of dvds to watch (because I'm a movie and tv buff) and my wonderful wife is making me a feast. Actually several feasts... special means for breakfast, lunch and dinner. She just spent the entirety of Big Hero 6 cooking.(BTW, Jet Titla's hot wings are fantastic.)

 Second, I finally accepted an important reality of my illness. I can't work. I tried. I really did. Back in February, I started back at work with the idea of working 20 hours a week. Looking back, I don't think I ever did. I worked about 15 hours a week on average... some weeks I made more, some weeks I made less. A lot less. Readers of this blog will know that in recent weeks, I've taken a downturn and obviously my ability to work was impacted. The reality was I was pushing myself to my limit and often past my limit for the sake of... what? The job? The team? A paycheck? 

 In the end, I realized I was waiting for someone else to make the obvious decision. No one would. The decision was mine and mine alone. I made it. On Friday I handed in my notice. Absolutely no one was surprised. Sad and supportive, but not surprised. One co-worker said he was surprise I hung in as long as I did. 

 I need to focus on my health. Really focus on it. This isn't some flu. I'm not going to wake up tomorrow and suddenly feel better. My ability to perform basic life tasks is compromised. I need to re-learn basic skills - like cooking - to accommodate my new reality.

 So, that's what I'm going to do.

 It doesn't sound like great news, I know... but in reality, I think it's the best birthday present I could have given myself.

 I give myself permission to live.

 Happy Birthday to Me.