Roe Vs Wade

 I feel like I should say something. Anything.

 All I've got right now is anger. 

 So, I'm going to keep this simple.

 Every woman has a right to control her own body. Every woman has a right to her own health care. Every woman has a right to control her own life. So, every woman has a right to get an abortion is that is the right choice for her... and no one, not me, not you, not God... No One... has the right to take that choice away from her.

 You want to bleat to me about killing babies? Go to Hell. You don't give a damn about babies!.

 You murder babies when you defend the rights of gun-wielding maniacs shooting up schools. You murder babies when you deny people basic health care, a living wage, a decent education and a million other social programs. You murder babies when you cheered them for appointing a fucking rapist to the Supreme Court. You murder babies when you put them in concentration camps on the border, when you drop bombs on their homes, when you smoke, when you drink, when you shop at fucking Walmart for products made by third world slave labor. 

 You got a problem with anything I'm saying... you are free to go straight to Hell.

 To every woman in my life... I am sorry this has happened. I am sorry I couldn't do anything meaningful to prevent it. I am sorry I can't do anything now to stop it. But I hear you. I hear your pain. I hear your rage. I hear fear. If there is anything you need from me, ask and I try my very best. I am with you to the bitter end.

 Maiden, Mother, Crone... Goddess, we have failed you. I do not ask for your blessings, today. I do not ask for you love. 

 I ask for your fury.

Week 51

 I have no idea how I feel right now other then angry.

 Spent most of the week sick, frustrated, depressed and generally unhappy. Missed almost the whole week of work. Furious with doctors, hospitals and insurance. Finally got my balance, just in time for the pins to be knocked out from under men by the fucking corrupt Supreme Court. 

 Stress is not good for my health. The greed, corruption and general sadistic evil of our society is stressful. 

 To hell with this. I'm out.

Week 50

 Long week, probably a short update...

 I've been saying, ever since the neurologist got this sleep study idea in his head, that I sleep fine. Honestly, since I've been sick I've slept better at night than I had in a long time. One might argue that there are advantages to being exhausted all the time. In this case though, I think the real advantage was that I wasn't stressed all the time. I didn't have the energy or the will for it.

 Well, this week trashed that. I've been stressing out like crazy and I couldn't sleep all week. Work-stuff mostly and the related life-stuff. Finally, some time in the dark of Thursday night I was sitting on the couch (trying to not just lay in the bed and wrestle with insomnia) and my semi-conscious mind figured out how to put all that stress and worry back down. Slept wonderfully and felt great that next day despite falling asleep sometime after 3am. 

 Now if I can just figure out how to sustain that.

 On a related note - If anyone out there knows how to unblock a solar plexus chakra that keeps getting clogged by stress and worry, drop me a line.

Week 49

  Well, that was a week... 

 Monday, I had a consult with the sleep medicine people... because my neurologist wanted me to. 

 Let me start by saying, I know sleep apnea is a serious thing and I know people have it and need help with it. But, for years my doctor back in Muncie tried to get me to do a sleep study for no better reason than I snore and, oh yeah, they had a brand new sleep lab in the basement. No, just no.

So, I confess I did go in with doubts.

I also went in without my cane. 

Yeah, about that cane. I've taken to bringing one with me (I inherited a bunch of antique canes from my Grampa Ted) whenever I go out. Mostly, I tell people, it's there to help me remember to slow down and not overdo. Sometimes, I admit, I have leaned on it pretty heavily. That day, I felt great... really great... and made the conscious choice to leave it at home. 

 OK, dumb thing to do. 

I walk from the house to the car. Juno drops me off at the door of the clinic and I walk down the hallway to the doctors office. I'm standing the check in desk and the receptionist takes one look at me and tells me to sit down. OK, so I was clutching the counter and swaying a bit. She had me lean on her arm on the way to the exam room (so it wasn't all bad). 

 Needless to say, rapid fire interview with a physicians assistant and a recommendation for a sleep study follow. Shock. Amaze. 

 The next day, I talked to another very nice receptionist at the actual sleep center. After explaining my reservations about the whole thing, and the cost involved, she said that based on the paperwork the physicians assistant sent over I was borderline for even qualifying for the test. Actually, just below the "standard" you-might-need-this-test score. (I scored a 6, the cut off is 7... don't ask me what the numbers mean).

 She also said they had an easy, cheap, at home test they could do to determine if I actually needed to be tested. I think we'll go with that.

 But wait, there's more... (Wow, this was a busy week).

 On Thursday I started taking a online course on Healthy Living with Chronic Conditions. The first session was great... It's already encouraging and pushing me in ways I didn't expect. I think it's going to be really valuable.

 So... yeah... big week.

Week 48

 Another week down... this has been a pretty good one. 

 Health-wise, I feel like I'm rocking it. Regularly up for four to five hours, still crashing afterward but had a few days where I didn't crash so very hard as before. Weird thing is I've been waking up earlier... so I'm still crashing around noon but I'm up longer because I got up at 6:30-7:00 instead of 7:30-8:00. 

 I got a packet in the mail this week for a Living with Chronic Illness class that I guess Juno signed me up for. (OK, memory is still not working very well... more on that later). Having look through some of the workbook, I'm bizarrely excited about it. It has a lot of practical advise... like physical exercise I can actually do. I'm looking forward to it (with special thanks to my manager at work for allowing me to take the time for it even though he had to rearrange a project meeting to accommodate me). 

 The one bit of bad news is the ol' brain. I'm still having problems with memory. Now, I'm having worsening problems thinking things through. I can be "reactive" just fine... responding to questions and situations as they come up. Planning and being "proactive" mentally... it's like groping through fog. The connections just don't work. Also, I keep turning the TV off. Really, I'm watching something, I hit pause ('cause streaming) and get up to get a snack. Then I come back, sit down and turn the TV off rather than restarting the episode. Then stare at the screen for a few seconds wondering what went wrong because I groan and turn the TV back on again. 

 So, good progress happening... more progress to be made.