Week 30

 Well, another week gone by.

 I actually feel like I'm making real, serious progress. OK, I'm still averaging about three to four hours up but this past week I've noticed an interesting trend. I have days where I don't really get up and do much, and I can managed six or even seven hours without crashing. Then the very next day, I manage about three hours no matter what. I've decided that I'm going to get up and try to do things every day. Sure, it lowers my total "up time" but it looks like I'm going to deal with that anyway. So I may as well get things done.

 Other than that, not much to report. I got the official response to my complaint about the insurance company. This mostly consisted of the insurance company's version of events and a letter giving my an opportunity to offer a rebuttal. I did. I mean, it's clear that the insurance company has a lawyer writing these things. It takes professional training to lie with the truth quite that well. Unfortunately for them, I also have professional training in presenting information (lawyer vs librarian, live on pay-per-view). I actually found it fun. I don't really expect that state to be able to do anything, but at least I'm getting the truth out.

 Finally, I've done some painting (one of these days I'm going to get around to posting pictures of my minis on this blog) and even managed to get a little bit of writing in. Nothing worthwhile yet but it's a start. 

 All in all, it was a pretty good week.

Week 29

 OK, first... seriously? Week 29. I've been sick for 29 weeks? 

 That aside, this has been a pretty normal week measured against the current standard. I'm finally on a new medication that isn't causing anxiety or depression. Not sure if it's actually helping with the migraines yet, but my head hasn't hurt much in past couple of days, so that's probably a good sign. 

 Other than that, I seem to be at point where I'm getting a pretty solid three hours of activity a day in before I wear out (touch wood). That may not sounds great for an normal, human perspective but from a "week 29" perspective I feel pretty good about it. 

 I've managed to paint some minis and get a little bit of gaming in (just Juno and I). It's something anyway.

Downton Abbey, the Movie

 First, let me say that I am a Downton Abbey fan.

 Like Tony Stark says of Happy Hogan "That's his show, he thinks it's elegant" (Also - just to show you how much of a Downton Abbey fan I really am -  the episode of Downton Abbey which appears in Iron Man 3 when Tony says that is after the one which appears when Happy wakes up.)

 So, it's probably surprising that it's taken me this long to get around to watching the Downton Abbey movie. Well, the simple reason is that I'm the only Downton Abbey fan in my house, sadly, so I haven't much chance (Also, I've been sick. :) ) but finally I've watched it.

 I loved it. 

 Let me say, if you are not a Downton Abbey fan, you probably won't. It isn't the kind of movie which introduces the characters and the story. If you don't already know and love them, you won't get it and you probably won't care. The movie is, quite simply, a letter to fans like me... to people who do love that strange rambling house and it's cast of strange, often pompous but charming characters. More, I think it is the "happily ever after" from the series. 

 A reviewer, who I think was not a fan, apparently wrote of it: "What the film lacks is any sense of real jeopardy. As we found out from the trailer, the big plot-line is this: the King and Queen are coming to dinner and Downton must be made perfect! But that simple story is stretched out to a full two hours of incredibly low-stakes, predictable drama with an overabundance of sub-plots". 

 What this reviewer fails to understand that, far from being a condemnation of the movie this is praise. This isn't a story of high stakes, of drama and tension. It's the story of our beloved characters having their happily ever after.

 It is, in a word, elegant.

 

Joss Whedon Fails

 This might be this blogs first dive into something more serious than my health and movie/TV show reviews.

 Joss Whedon fails. 

 If, like me, you've been a fan of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel, Firefly, Cabin in the Woods, etc, you were probably shocked and horrified when people started coming out and saying the Joss Whedon wasn't the paragon we wanted him to be. That he was, in fact, a cruel, abusive, misogynist who harassed, insulted and took advantage of the people he worked with. 

 I'll admit, I didn't listen when his ex-wife spoke out against him. I didn't really pay attention when Ray Fisher spoke out. I believed him but I didn't really pay attention. It wasn't until Charisma Carpenter spoke up that I listened. I own that as my failing.

 After Charisma spoke, everyone spoke up. Everyone but Joss. 

 I've been waiting to hear what he said to say. Oh, don't mistake me... I believed what Ms Carpenter said. I believe what Ray Fisher said. I just wanted to hear Joss respond.

 Well, he has. In doing so, in his cliched denials, I hear the proof of what I had sadly come to believe.

 Gal Godot didn't understand his jokes.

 Ray Fisher is lying.

 As for the Buffy cast, well it's not his fault he harassed and has sex young women over whom he had power.

 Besides, he's the greatest TV showrunner ever.

 These are the answers of an abuser. These are the answers of a misogynist. These are the answers of a coward. These are the answers of the villain.

 Now, I still love Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Firefly because they aren't solely the work of Joss Whedon. Because they show strong people, strong women, standing up against villains.

 JK Rowling told stories about standing up to bigotry and hate, even though she proved to be a hateful bigot.

 Joss Whedon told stories about standing up against misogyny and toxic masculinity, even though he now proves to be a misogynist.

 The stories still have value... 

 ...but Joss, you have failed by your own measure. I'm done with you.

Week 28

 It's been a really up and down kind of week. Looking back over my journal, I've had more bad days than good but I remember not long ago when burning out at 11:00am was a good day. Now I think of it as a bad day. I had two days where I made it pretty well through the day, albeit by taking it slowly and resting a lot. 

 Unfortunately, between the booster shot - which knocked me on my but for the whole of Saturday - and the new, new meds from the neurologist the past two days have been truly horrible. 

 Taking the week as I whole, I feel like I'm showing definite signs of improvement. Taking right now in isolation, I feel like I need to improve a lot just to feel horrible. Life's funny that way.

Boosted

 At long last, I have gotten my COVID booster shot.

 Anyone's guess if the fatigue and headache I'm feeling now is the result of the shot, the exertion of the trip to CVS or just the 11:00 of it all. Still, not feeling any worse than a usual bad day so, here's hoping.

 I feel it is worth commenting that this trip out into the world has done nothing to improve my view of the people of Jasper/Huntingberg. I think 2/3 of the people I saw were either not wearing a mask or wearing a mask incorrectly... including on of the CVS pharmacy staff. The level of stupid in this town remains just about where I've believed it to be all along.

 Gods how I want to go home (wherever that is).

The Eternals

 Well, The Eternals has come to streaming so I've finally been able to watch it. I've been trying to decide what I think of it.

 It was OK. It wasn't great but it wasn't bad. It had some interesting ideas, some good twists and turns and a pretty neat ensemble of characters. I think it suffered from being pretty dense. There was a few too many interesting ideas, twists and turns and not all of them got enough exploration, even in a two and half hour movie.

 I also think, and this may be an unpopular opinion, that it suffered from being an MCU movie. I think it would been better if it hadn't been. 

 I know, I know... Eternals is a Marvel comic. Marvel likes playing with the idea that all the Marvel comics happen in the same shared universe. The MCU is the movie version of that. I get it... but I don't think it's necessary.

 Apart from a few throw away lines, and a somewhat lame explanation of why the Eternals didn't show up to fight Thanos (which, if you think about it, doesn't actually hold up when All if Revealed), there is nothing tying the Eternals to the MCU. I don't think the story benefited in any way from being set in the MCU. I can't say if the MCU will ultimately benefit from having the Eternals in it, but I'm not seeing it myself.

 All in all, I enjoyed the movie. I think it could have been better and I think it didn't need to be an MCU movie.

The Witcher

 So, I watched The Witcher on Netflix over the last few days. 

 My first thought was that someone had clearly written up their Dungeons and Dragons campaign, and done a good enough job of it to spawn a series of novels, video games and now a Netflix series. My second thought was to wonder if it was in Anya Chalotra contract that her tits had to visible at least once in every episode of she appears in during the first season (looks like she managed a slightly better contract for second season).

On the whole, however, I found it an entertaining, if somewhat predictable, fantasy show. I think we need more of those.

Week 27

 Well, that was interesting. 

 I've started keeping a diary of my health each day throughout the week. It's proving informative. I've had more good days than bad the past week, but even on my good days I'm wearing out around 11:00am. That's a good reality check.

 I've been thinking about going back to work. Financially I'm going to have to and sooner rather than later (especially since Short Term Disability refuses to process my claim). Still, based on my diary, right now I'll be lucky to put in a 10 hour week. My manager would go for it (I've talked to him). What HR says remains to be seen... but it's HR so I doubt it will anything good.

 The most of the past week came on Friday and over the week. I saw a new doctor - a neurologist - on Friday. Nice guy. Smart. He asked good questions, took a detailed history and really listened to my answers... not just my situation but my needs and goals. (I'm glad I had my "health diary" with me). He had lots of options and, naturally, wanted to try me on some new medication. I was game.

 Saturday I started on the new meds for my migraines. I was a little concerned, what with the three pages (double sided) of "call your doctor immediately if you get any of these symptoms. Symptoms included depression, attempted suicide, anxiety, panic attacks, mania, coma. Fun stuff.

 Mid-day Saturday, the anxiety attack started. That was a new experience. What was really interesting was the coping strategies that I started using reflexively, without any conscious thought. I managed to keep a handle on the panic screaming through my body and the mania dominating my mind through the rest of Saturday and part of Sunday.

 Needless to say, not taking those meds anymore. 

 All in all, an interesting week. Let's see what the next one brings.

Week 26

 Had my monthly visit with the doctor yesterday and it went pretty well. I was feeling good and I'm excited about feeling good. The doctor is encouraged, which is good given how discouraged she was last month. Progress... small steps, but progress.

 Unfortunately, I'm not happy with small steps and I'm perfectly capable of tricking myself into thinking everything is fine. I've done it before.

 So, how do I know that what I'm feeling is actually what I'm feeling? How do I know if I'm really feeling OK or if I just really want to feel OK? That's the challenge

 I've started keeping a daily log, so I can look back and say "yeah, yesterday was a pretty good day... but you also have to consider the fact that I crashed at 11:00am when I got back from the doctors." I've got to keep myself honest.

 So, the good news is I really am getting better. The bad news is, I'm not as better as I would like and this is going to take some time. 

 When I've been sick for a week or so, I always have that day when I feel "OK" but know I need one more of day of rest to put this behind me and get back on my feet. I've been sick for six months... even when I start to feel OK, it's going to take more than a day to really put it behind me.