Week Ending 11/26

 Let me say... this week was head and shoulders above last week.

It helps that, being a food lover, I really enjoy Thanksgiving. Juno made us a lovely, moist and delicious turkey with her signature stuffing, fresh homemade rolls (which were so good we're trying to figure out how to make them regularly), a nice salad, terrific gravy... and that on top of the pies (one pecan and one pumpkin) and various other delicious baked good she made the night before. It was fantastic.

Yes, I am thankful for my wonderful wife. 

Of course, living a thousand miles from my nearest relatives is not having to have the storied uncomfortable Thanksgiving dinner with said relatives. That's a good and bad thing, I guess. 

The rest of the week was good too. I'm trying to find ways to sleep better and working on managing my expectations of myself more reasonably. I need to remember my own lessons from the early days of my illness - rest when tired, eat when hungry and, above all, take the wins and don't get hung up on the rest.

I dare say, it's good advice in general. :)

Onward

Week Ending 11/19

This is going to be terse. This week sucks. I'm exhausted and I feel horrible.

The people responsible for coming up with the business of medical billing should die screaming in a fire and then burn in hell.

Cancer sucks. Not me, not my immediate household, but someone I care about deeply. Cancer Fucking Sucks.

I'm exhausted and in pain. 

I am loved. 

There is hope. 

They caught the cancer early. 

Also, The Good Place (2016 comedy series currently on Netflix) is really funny... and the people responsible for coming up with medical billing should totally go to The Bad Place. Still not getting over that one quickly.

Anyway...

Onward

Week Ending 11/12

 Difficult end to a difficult week...

I started the week out with a confusing medical bill, not sleeping because I was stressed about it and burning through energy I didn't have making phone calls to figure it out. In the end, it's a real bill but a completely messed up and confusing billing... a point almost everyone I spoke with agreed upon.

Having settled that, I sent the rest of week in bed, or otherwise laying down, trying to recover from that drama. 

The real problem there is that there was stuff I wanted to do. Not stuff I had to do. No obligations or commitments... just, damn it, I had things I wanted to do! The inability to do any of them is frustrating and, of course, that didn't help with the whole "resting" plan.

Which brings us to the (pardon my French) shit-show that was today. Finally feeling well enough to actually try and do some of things I wanted to do, instead absolutely everything went wrong. 

The real issue is that my condition appears to have destroyed my emotional control. Now, anyone who knows me knows that I could make no claim to Vulcan emotional discipline at the best of times. However, these days I burst into tears at sad parts of TV shows... and unfortunately, when I'm frustrated and angry, I can get really, really angry. 

The best that can be said was that I stopped what I was doing, locked myself in the den and did my best (with reasonable success) not to take out my anger on my family or inanimate objects. I still want to smash just about everything in my line of sight, but I'm handling it.

So, yeah... bad week. 

Still, tomorrow is a better day.

Onward

Week Ending 11/5

Another week down... 

Halloween is a special time for me. 

Twelve years ago, on Halloween night, my Grampa Ted passed away. He had had a long life and had been ill for some time. That night, when the Veil was thin, he fell asleep and never woke. I think of him often. He was a quiet, gentle man who did wood carving. That's how I think of him... quietly sitting on the porch of his house in the country, carving something amazing out of a bit of wood. He is a presence, like the mountain the rises behind the house, strong, quiet and constant... peaceful, gentle and loving. Twelve years ago, he stepped across the Veil, but that presence has never left me. 

Earlier this year, after a terrible injury, his wife, my beloved Gramma Cathy, finally joined him. She'd been terribly grumpy about having to wait so long. I miss her, but I know they are together and they are happy.

If Ted is the mountain, she is the garden... rich and green, with the smell of herbs and sunlight. 

They will always be with me.

Yeah, Halloween is special.

Onward