Week Ending 2/26

 I'm still dealing with the passing of my Gramma Cathy. She was a remarkable woman who had a huge impact on my life. I have many happy memories of spending summer days at her house in Lincoln, Vermont... the smell of her herb garden, the sounds of the brook as it rushed over the rocks of the little swimming hole, the taste of warm caraway chews. While her passing does not come as a shock, it's still one that I struggle with. I'm not as OK as I pretend to be.

 Health wise, this has been a pretty good week - good days and bad days just like always, but the good days last a little longer and the bad days aren't are short as they were. At the same time, when I get tired, I seem to be even more tired than before. It gets harder to think and to concentrate. It's frustrating too, because I have things I want to do and I just... can't.

 I know this is all hard on Juno. She's giving me so much and I can't thank her enough for all the support she gives me, every day. I know I ask too much of her and I'm trying not to. She's great.

 Well, on the positive side, I'm taking advantage of those good days. I've gotten models painted and new models assembled. It's fun and relaxing. I'm also starting back up on playing The Sims for my Wyrd Girls story. Might have a new chapter for that soon-ish.

Onward...

In Memorium

Catherine Pawlowski (1925-2023)

The old shed smelled of newly tilled earth, old wood and green growing things. Warm summer sunlight streamed through the old wooden door, its slats warped and brittle with time. From down the hill, out of sight, came the rushing sound of the brook as it danced over the old rocks, the bones of the ancient mountain which loomed over the green of the trees, quiet and constant.

In the little garden at the foot of the shed my grandmother puttered. The sun gleamed on her snow white hair as her wrinkled, nut-brown hands set the last stones in place among the whirls of grass, flowers and herbs.

“One stone,” she said, her smile lively in her warm face, “set just so. Perfect.”

The wind sighed through, carrying the scents of flowers and herbs, the gentle agreement of the living world, the dancing stream, and the quiet mountain.

Perfect.

 

Week Ending 2/12

 It's been a week. I haven't been sleeping well. My wrist is killing me. I've got some family stuff going on that I'm not ready to talk about... and, did I mention my wrist is killing me.

On the plus side, my lawyer finally browbeat the insurance company into actually coughing up the money they owe me... so I can pay off the hospital for the hideous MRI that didn't really tell us anything. Sigh.

OK, so I'm not in a good mood just now. See paragraph one if curious as to why. :)

Ah well, there are good days and bad days. The best thing about bad days is they end and eventually we get the good days back. Some times this takes longer than other times but the wheel turns. 

Onward

Week Ending 2/5

 Sorry for the late update, but I was pretty wiped out yesterday.

So, last week... thereby hangs a tale. I had gotten a letter a little while back from the Social Security Disability people that they scheduled me for a visit with one of their doctors, kind of an evaluation thing. Saturday was that appointment. 

Naturally, despite my best efforts I basically spent the whole week stressing about it and being exhausted. Had a couple days where I never really got started and a couple of nights where sleep was... elusive... despite being exhausted.

At the same time, I had a couple of really good days too. I managed to get some Warhammer terrain built. I even managed to put ingredients in the crock pot. (OK, doesn't sound like much for I'm very excited about the crock pot thing! Unfortunately, the meat was off and I couldn't actually eat what I made in the end but that's a different thing entirely.)

So, after all that... the appointment. Juno drove me to a hospital in some place about an hour from here (basically, everything that isn't here is about an hour from here). Kinda nice to go for a drive actually, though I did doze off a little bit. The instructions said enter at the Emergency Room, which we did... then we had to walk basically to the other side of hospital, take an elevator up to the second floor and again walk the length of the (essentially empty on the weekend) building. Needless to say, it wasn't that hard to show these doctors how exhausted I was. 

The staff was actually really nice... very polite and friendly. The exam was basically "do you have 2 arms, 2 legs and can you see." The internist who examined me listened to my story and agreed that the whole Long COVID/viral induced chronic fatigue theory my doctor has sounds like the most likely explanation for my symptoms. That was nice... outside confirmation. He didn't quite say that it didn't matter for the purposes of this exam but he did say something close to that. My lawyer has already told me that for this found with SSA, they only really care if I'm missing a limb or have terminal cancer. The exam seemed to support that.

The kicker for me was the trip home. I only made it about 50-60ft from the exam area before I needed to lean against the wall and rest. The nice nurse/receptionist dude got me a wheelchair and wheeled me out to the car. I dozed the ride home, and the rest of the day, and most of yesterday. 

Feeling pretty good about it all now.

Onward!