Note: I wrote this shortly after I returned to work, at the request of a colleague who wanted to know about my experience with my illness and what I had learned from it. I wanted to share it and, after much procrastination, I've decided to start by sharing it here.
Starting around July, 2021
I became very sick. The constant stress and pressure of work had weakened my
immune system to the point where a simple cold could, and did, quickly progress
to bronchitis. Which inevitably led to missing work, which led to more stress
and pressure as projects dragged on, deadlines loomed and every little glitch
became a full blown crisis.
Being someone with a
strong work ethic, or - as I have come to see it now - an idiot, I kept working
every moment I could. As a remote worker, it was easy to drag myself into my
home office, log in and put in at least some time on days when an ordinary
commuter physically couldn’t have gotten themselves to work. Driving in, one
would have ended up in a ditch, but logging in was relatively easy. If I
couldn’t work eight hours, I could at least work four or five. After all, the
project meeting was important and since I was already there, I could attend that
next meeting, and the one after that.
Interesting thing about
the Epstein Barr virus (which is what they call mono when you’re not in your
teens or twenties anymore), nearly every American adult has it. Like chicken
pox, we’ve been exposed to it, and the virus just hangs out in your body. For
most people, your immune system is strong enough to keep it in check. A person's blood antibody levels for the virus hang out between 1 and 21 (don’t ask me
what the numbers represent, I just know what they told me). Until your immune
system is weakened, say by stress, pressure, a nasty case of bronchitis and “a
strong work ethic.” When I finally got tested, my antibody levels were
“>750.” I was off the chart.
By that time, I was down
to dragging myself in for an hour or two, once or twice a week, because those
meetings needed me. I discovered levels of exhaustion I have never known
existed. Levels where your hands shake, you can’t take a real step and just
shuffle across the floor, levels where your face and lips just go numb. Still,
I kept coming in… just for that one meeting, and maybe the one after… because I
needed to be at that meeting, because I had a strong work ethic. Because
I was an idiot.
My doctor, my mother, my
wife and everything I could read online said I needed to rest. Complete bed-rest
was the only treatment. Still, I didn’t stop. I kept trying to come into work.
I kept telling myself I felt just better enough that I could go back now. I honestly
don’t know how long that lasted. My memory of that time is pretty hazy.
I do know that it took a
co-worker to get me to finally stop. It was actually the project manager for
one of those meetings I had to attend. She said to me, quoting every
airline safety demonstration I’d ever heard: “you have to put your own air
mask on before you help other passengers.” I don’t know why, but that
finally got it through my thick head.
I needed to stop. I needed
to take care of myself.
It took four or five
months for me to recover to the point where I can actually do what I had been
trying to do at the start: coming in about four hours a day, doing what work I
can do and resting when I need to.
I have come out of this
experience (insofar as I am “out” of it) having learned a few things. Another
co-worker asked me to share what I’ve learned, so that’s the point of this
little narration.
So, what have I learned
from all this?
The central lesson for me
remains: “You have to put your own air mask on before you help other
passengers.”
In plainer language: Take
care of yourself. You’re no good to anyone if you drive yourself into the
ground.
Some ideas on how to do
that:
If you’re sick, go
home
Forget
attendance. Forget how many sick leave hours you have (or don’t
have). Forget whatever “work ethic” you were raised with. Just go home, rest,
drink plenty of water.
No, that meeting does not need you. You have a team
and someone else on the team can cover for you.
No, that project does not need you either. See above,
re: team.
Stay
home until you feel better. That’s all the way better too. Not “oh yeah, I can
totally drag myself to the computer and log in from home” better. Really,
actually, I’m-not-sick-anymore better.
The meeting still doesn’t need you.
The project will go on without you.
I
grant, it may be a bit of a blow to the ol’ ego, discovering you are not, in
fact, indispensable. However, you are of greater value to your team, your
workplace and yourself, if you are working at your best.
Deal with your
stress
I
know, easy to say, hard to do. Vitally important. Among the many negative
effects, stress weakens your immune system. It is, in its own way, almost as
bad as just being sick.
There
are lots of different ways we talk about managing stress: meditation,
“mindfulness,” primal screaming, vacations, etc. Some are good. Some are bad.
Some work. Some don’t. I believe that no single solution works for anyone all the
time, so be careful about relying too heavily on any one strategy.
For
me, my key strategy (which I still struggle with at times) is, as above,
remembering that that meeting doesn’t need me, that the project can go on
without me. I found myself carrying the weight of all these work demands and I
once I put them down, I feel better. That leads me to my last point.
Respect your limits
When
I was a kid, my mom would pour me a glass of water and she’s tell me: “Say
when.” Say when it’s enough. Say when it’s enough.
All
of our projects, our meetings, and our day-to-day work… it piles on. You find
yourself wondering how to meet those deadlines, while attending those meetings
and making sure the daily work doesn’t fall behind. Then you find yourself
trying to balance that with your home life, your family, your friends, the
basic needs of your own body, mind and heart.
Say
when. Look at it all and be able to say “enough” and stop.
This
might be the hardest, and in some ways, most frightening lesson of all –
knowing that there will come a point where you have to say “enough.” Can you go
to your manager and say “I’m sorry, I can’t go to that meeting. I have a
conflict. What can we do?” “I’m sorry, I can’t take on this new project. I am
already working at my capacity. What can we do?”
I
won’t lie, there is some fear in doing that. How will it be received? Will it
be respected?
The
truth is, if you have a good relationship with your manager and your team, they
will respect and honor your limits too. If they don’t, you have other problems
which you should probably find a way to deal with… but that’s another
conversation.
I hope this is valuable to
someone. Thanks for reading.
